This is a picture for figuring relationships out. The requirement: be completely honest.
I dare to say that relationships are the hardest part of our lives. Sometimes, it’s because there is so much unsaid. Sometimes, because there is too much said by mistake. Sometimes, both. Sometimes, we can’t accept the other, and sometimes, we feel we are not accepted. This happens to everyone. And it’s not easy to handle.
But here is a simple little recipe for trying to make it better. Once you start seeing relationships trough this angle, you will see that it makes a difference.
So, the two steps is a picture. A picture that it’s gonna help you seeing things differently.
It’s about intentions.
Your intentions and your partner’s intentions – or your mom, or coworker, it doesn’t matter the relationship.
So, let’s say you wanna have ice cream at a special ice cream shop, but your partner wants to have pizza at a special pizza place. Food is always a good example for understanding things!
Now imagine that each of you is on one end of a line that has three positions: the two ends and the middle.
Each position fits two people. The aim is to meet in one of the positions.
You take one step to the middle: you consider finding a place that has both ice cream and pizza, although it’s not the specific ones that you want.
And he takes one step to the middle: accepting (or suggesting) the place that has both ice cream and pizza.
So, you compromise your intention towards the intention of your partner and vice-versa.
You take two steps to his position: he really wants to have that special pizza that he has dreaming about since last weekend, so you decide that your ice cream can wait and you go with him to the pizza place.
So you compromise your intention in favor of the intention of your partner.
He takes two steps to your position: it’s hot and you really want that ice-cream and he decides that he can wait for having the pizza next weekend.
In this case, he compromises his intention in favor of your intention.
I don’t have to say that the setting 1 is the most balanced option, right? But this doesn’t mean that it has to be always like that. Quite the opposite! As long as you’re kind of even in how many times each of you takes two steps to meet the other, all fine!
This all seems very simple at this point, I know. It’s because the hardest part is knowing what’s your intention and being able to say it out loud. For both of you.
Why is that hard? Because not always we are clear about our own intentions and not always we are honest about them.
Many times we get confused because, you know, it’s also nice to have pizza, then, why not?
You think that’s your intention, and you don’t see you are actually choosing to do that for the other, not for yourself. Then, after the pizza it crosses your mind that it was nice, but, you know, you wanted ice-cream. And these many little things, with time, start getting in the way of your relationship.
Also, it might be the case that you don’t actually say your intention, because it can hurt your partner’s feelings. Or because you are embarrassed to admit something. Let’s say you don’t wanna have pizza, for example, because you are concerned about your weight.
But you are going anyway, of course, after all, you wanted an ice cream, remember?
This means that you are taking two steps, right? But he might be thinking that you are both meeting in the middle – that you also want pizza – if you don’t say that you are concerned with your weight.
* if you both want the same things, you are both in the middle.
On top of that, sometimes your intentions might seem contradictory. If you wanna have ice cream, for example, but don’t wanna have pizza because you are concerned with your weight! Anyone would say: aren’t you on a diet?
But no, this is not contradictory! It’s hard to make that clear, I know. Just keep in mind that you have the right to make your own choices and if this means having an ice cream, that’s it.
If this is your problem, you can check the trust yourself post. There, you are gonna see an insight on how to start developing confidence to stand for your intentions.
All the best for today!
See you soon,