Do it for yourself, Empowering

First step for Empowering yourself

I’ve been hearing a lot about women empowering and I was wondering were to start.

Check this post for empowering series recommendations.

For me it’s really difficult to feel that power that people talk about, and project myself in the sense of showing strength. Actually, I think I need to feel that strength. How to do that?

What’s missing when I don’t feel that strength?

I think it’s the knowledge that I’m right, that things are fine, and that everything is under control. But how to get there?

Let’s start with the first step:

Deconstruction.

(Tip: this doesn’t count only for women. The example here is women empowering, but it counts for everyone.)
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We have to demolish those thousands views that lead us somehow to that idea or feeling of not being good enough. Those feelings of insecurity, of not being worth it, of not being loved. Those deep feelings that sometimes in bed at night lead us to question our purpose in life.

And to demolish them we need to find them. Where do they come from?

They come from everyday jokes and comments. They come from our family and friends. They come sometimes from our boyfriends or husbands. They come from advertisement campaigns, they come from everywhere.  Don’t hate the world for that. We are all immersed in this culture and it’s not easy to step out of it. Just do your part and spread a different vibe!

And how to do this?

For doing this we have to question the active norms:

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Why is this like that? Why did he or she say that? Why do they want me to do this or that? Why should I buy this or that?

You don’t have to rebel (aggressively), just reflect on these things. And then, make up your mind about how you would like things to be.

Now, you have to act accordingly and kindly. With time, people will see how things can be different and better. And this is the seed that we need to spread!

Here is a good example of questioning the active norms and preparing your mind for a new perspective. (It’s what inspired me to write this post).

credit: oskartbrand

Oskart T. Brand did a brave deconstruction questioning the actual order of things. He first removed all the pages of advertisements in two magazines, they correspond to 85 and 65% of the content of the whole magazine. And then, he found one very common subtle message: ‘You could be better’, or, ‘you are not good enough’, based on unreal standards that we didn’t even know that were unreal.

In this case, the first idea that we have to demolish is: ‘women have to invest to be pretty (or glamorous)’.

Sometimes, we need to demolish even whole buildings of connected ideas and conceptions.

We need to find the unrealistic views that are so embedded in our lives and see how distorted they are.

Just ask yourself when you are faced with some discomfort: Is that real? Based on what?

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And I know that things get hard after that, because if that is not real, what is really real?

Then, we need to start building a new view from scratch, brick by brick, to make it a solid foundation. I know it’s not easy and it doesn’t happen from one day to another. We don’t know what idea goes with what, and we might feel that things are not summing up well for making a decent new building of ideas.

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But hold on and have faith!

Even if your new building of ideas looks like this:

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(This is actually the usual way we stand after we start asking why: full of uncertainties and unjustified beliefs).

Who says that you can’t live in a building like that?

The good thing about our buildings of ideas is that they don’t serve as shelter for the rain, we don’t have to step in them nor store our belongings. Our building of ideas is private, flexible, independent, odorless, silent, unique and specially, ours.

Just start gathering the views that you feel good about and let them settle in your mind.

You will see that with time, and some reflexion, they will get together and make sense.

Meanwhile, just free yourself of the hidden active norms and feel the power!

All the best,

Alice.

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