Do it for yourself, Relationships

How can you know if you really love him/her?

There are two sides of love: passion and will. You can have the feeling of love, the passion, even if you don’t have the will. Follow me here…

I’ve heard many times that passion is one thing and love is something else. We can be passionate about someone, be in love, and nevertheless don’t manage living with him/her. Than, it comes this huge conflict of wanting to be with that person and still not being able to do it.

Would this conflict arise from our understanding of love?

Check this out:

Side 1: the very feeling of being in love

The idea that love is the deepest and strongest inner feeling that one can have is so embedded in our minds that we don’t even ask ourselves about the whole picture. We just keep struggling with that. We wanna reach that deep feeling of fulfillment and all the rest is least.

Take this great and passionate description of love. I can almost love this guy for that! I can feel the excitement, I recall the moments of pure love in my life. This is what we are looking for, right?



* Jason Silva has many nice videos, check his channel for more philosophical insights.

Yes, love is all of that! But out of those great moments of passionate love, there is daily life. Daily life comes with different wills, and desires, conflicts and misunderstandings.

We have been living this surreal idea that love is only a feeling. And this brings so much disappointment!

Side 2: the will 

The will to promote harmony and to keep the other in love is the most important thing in a relationship!

“The biggest mistake of the XX century is to think that love is only an emotion that comes and goes” Says the psychiatrist Enrique Rojas in an interview. “In fact, love is an act of will and intelligence”.

Love is when you feel happy by the mere fact that the other is happy, either in general or for something that you did.

Now, here is the important thing: How do you know if you really love him/her?

Ask yourself these three questions: (and don’t be afraid of the answer)

1- Do I wanna be with him/her for who he/she is? (his/her attitudes and way of seeing life?)


2- Do I admire and cheer his/her small accomplishments and the way he/she behaves?

3- Is this the main reason why I wanna be with him/her? (you can also have self-centered  reasons, but focus on the main reason now)

*Keep in mind that everyone has virtues and flaws. It’s not about finding the perfect person.

Or perhaps, your main reason is not being alone…


… or maybe satisfying your own wishes, or just feeling the passion thrill?

There is nothing wrong in having those as the main reasons to be with someone, if you admit them to yourself (and, when needed, also to the other).

As long as everything is clear, no problem. The problems arise from the misunderstandings and expectations of love that are based in self-centered thoughts. And many times, they are not clear even to ourselves!

That’s the point for today:

Love involves the will to keep yourself and the other in love. And the will comes from each of us!

All the best,




2 thoughts on “How can you know if you really love him/her?”

  1. But what if you are willing to love this person and give all you’ve got , in the name of love, but at the same time you cant afford to give all that love you wanted because you kinda lost faith in everything you believed when you were together and lets say now you are thousands of miles away( which is safe to say that neither of us can help in that situation)? I mean i guess i know i love ( lets call this person NOAH) Noah, because of all the suffering that i had, have, and probably will still have if i dont try to leave our story behind….maybe it wasnt LOVE after all, just an obsession.

    Love the blog! Keep up!

    Peace! X


    1. Hi Nan, thanks for you message! I know these things are always complicated. But here is a way to try to make things more clear to yourself: split your thoughts into parts and analise each part.

      For example, what does ‘willing to love’ mean? What does ‘give all you’ve got’ mean? What is ‘in the name of love’?
      What exactly you can’t afford doing? And why?

      When you find your way out of questions like those, you will probably feel a little better.

      One tip: give examples to yourself of what you would be willing to do, what you would expect in return, seriously!

      All the good vibes on your self reflexion.


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