LDR is not so different from a normal relationship. Yes, you don’t get to touch each other, or to be with together… I’m not saying it is not difficult. It is. But, the fundamentals to keep a healthy LDR are basically the same for any other relationship.
1. Know where you meet your partner
It’s very important that you talk about what you want. You must know your plans and your partner’s plans for life. Having a common objective will make the journey apart much easier.
Also, let each other know what makes you happy and what makes you upset in the relationship. You will have a lot of time to talk on Skype! Let your goals be clear to your partner. Do you want an open relationship or not? How do you plan to spend your money on trips to see each other? Could you afford it once every 3 or 4 months? How are you gonna do this? Then, you meet in the middle.
Obviously, you don’t need to know exactly how it’s gonna be. You can’t predict the future! But talking about these plans and having in mind that you are both in line with them will build a lot the confidence on this relationship.
2. Find something to do together
We all have been at this point of the LDR where ‘skyping’ is not enough. After sometime it gets boring, because you don’t have that much to talk about. It is okay. That doesn’t mean you are not meant for each other, or that you don’t have anything in common. Normally, our lives aren’t that exciting, so it’s natural that talking about it everyday get’s boring!
My second tip is find something else you can do “together” – and by together I mean while on Skype 😉
Some people cook together, other watch movies… I play an online game! Actually, I never enjoyed playing online games before; I was never good at it and it was boring for me. But we found a game that could be fun for both of us, and playing with someone else – specially someone you love – is really fun. We spend a lot of time doing this, just the two of us. That made it easier to Skype, because we could have some fun instead of just having serious conversations.
These are the moments that I miss the most while on LDR, having a good time with the other person. Having fun together helps creating good memories and makes your relationship grow stronger!
3. Talk about your feelings
Another thing that LDR are different from a normal relationship is that YOU CAN’T REALLY SEE THE PERSON! You don’t know when the other is down, or crying, or just upset during the day. Naturally, we can’t skype all day and when texting we just can’t show emotions; (unless you use emoticons). So, don’t blame the other for not noticing your messages aren’t happy. Tell them how you are feeling – or send emoticons! 😀
For example, it might be difficult to show support when your partner is going to a party and you have to work. Be sincere. It’s obvious you want to be together, and that makes you feel jealous of him/her being with someone else. See, everyone feels jealousy, that doesn’t mean you are a horrible person! Just don’t let this feeling ruin your relationship.
Explaining that you are jealous, that you wanted to be there too, and then telling that you are happy that the other person is enjoying his/her life makes your relationship sincere. You will have to train your heart to understand that this is just a phase, that in the future you will be together. And that now you two have separate lives, and yet, you chose to be together.
4. Live your own life
That might be obvious for some and really hard for others, like me. At first, I couldn’t stop messaging, and telling everything I was doing or thinking. Expecting answers and wanting to know what he was doing EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF HIS LIFE! Don’t over-text! Well, if you did that already, just be sincere and apologise for your crazy behaviour.
Be with yourself now. You will be together in the future. You will probably move away from where you are right now, and you won’t live the same life you live right now. At first, that sounds like a fairy tale, but it is not – believe me! It’s very important that you look around yourself and understand the good things of being where you are at this moment of your life.
Think about the things that make you happy there, maybe the sun shining through that window, or the smell of the tree in front of your house, or the feeling of the air on your face when you cycle down that hill everyday… Then, think about the people you appreciate around you, your parents, your family, your friends, your pets or neighbours’ pets… You will miss them all! So be there, be in the present; enjoy every little great thing you have now. Live your life! And that will make your relationship even better, because you’re happy with yourself.
Now it’s okay you send messages to your partner saying how happy you are because you saw the cutest dog in the world… Over-texting is bad when you don’t live your life or don’t let the other live his/her own life. But I guess it’s fine when you just want to share the moments.
5. Appreciate the good memories
Maybe you will feel that living your life and being in the present might make you two a little distant. So, every now and then, just take some time to appreciate the moments you had together. You might go through your pictures and send a few to him/her; write emails or letters about a nice memory of when you made that special trip together and about how you felt; or simply share a song that remind you of when you first met.
The secret: a healthy LDR covers everything! Plan the future together, live your live in the present, appreciate the past; and repeat it all!
I know, sometimes we will be sad and there’s nothing that will take us out of there. Just embrace it. Tomorrow is a new day and everything will be okay again! 😉
I hope I could help with your relationship!
Lot’s of love,